Beard season is almost upon us.
I miss my beard.

I need to buy a fishing rod.

My bed is cold, and the street is busy outside.

Growing up, I always wanted to have my room in the attic.
You know the type of room...with the ceiling that comes down at weird angles, and that window at the corner end of the house that looks out to nothing.

In movies, it seemed that the child protagonist always had his room in the attic.
His room always happened to be the coolest room ever and I was always jealous of the kid.

Maybe when I get older, Amie will let me have an attic room. It will be my Geekdom, and I will be king. Eating shanks of meatless meat, and drinking wine from a Punisher mug.

Lots of Star Wars standees, vintage posters, not to mention, Evangelion and Akira figures.

I'm very tired.

I used to believe that I held intelligence that ran deeper than just common knowledge in every subject.
I'm recently learning that I really have no idea about Chemistry and the sort.

I'm just now realizing that no matter how much I work at it, I just can't seem to develop a technical part of a mind.
I'm good at sciences, but I can't seem to grasp Chemistry for some reason.

I will do as I have.
I will try, and just pass by.

I do like school, and I actually do like doing work. I'm trying real hard to get out of school earlier than first expected though. I figured if I take summer courses I should be done with school Fall of 09...or even summer 09. This is because of getting screwed up at LCCC my first year, and credits not transferring.

Well, thats it. It has been on my mind a lot and I figured the Bryan that reads this in 2 years, will like the Bryan sitting here now.

I always root for the good guy.

The puzzle pieces are falling into place so far this week.

Computer Aided Drafting, CAD, was destroying me. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I've learned that I'm not very good at learning new things anymore. I remember reading an article in SEED a couple years back, and it mentioned that once you reach a certain age (I believe 20-22) you have a harder time understanding/learning things then before. It went on to say that it has to do something with the brains chemicals... but who knows. Actually, now that I think of it, it might just have been a theory. Regardless, I believe it. Usually I'm very good with learning new things...especially computer apps. But for some reason, I've been having a harder time with things. My brain has hardened over.

I found out that I didn't even need to take the stupid class, so I talked to the head of Fire, and he agreed. So I dropped it, and picked up "the Black Experience: 1877-1954" It starts the second 8 weeks of fall semester (10-19). It also just so happened that I found all this out on the very last day you can add a class. Lucky me I guess.
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Moving on, with that behind me.

The weather is certainly changing. The high for upcoming Saturday is 59 degrees. Soon enough, it is going to be 15 degrees, and me having to walk 14 blocks to class in thin shoes, cold feet, and snow in my beard.

This blog is considered by me to be at its "second time around." I say this because I read all my old posts from the year prior, and then memories flash through my head about last year and what I was doing making me want to write down the feeling that I'm experiencing. (I think I need to write newer posts about life this year, instead of walking down old memory lane)

I remember walking around with Ben, and Mike and talking about how many weeks we had left until Winter break. I couldn't wait to get out of school, and I still can't. This time last year I started to go to the library a lot here. I took out a lot of Lovecraft, and Block, and I would just read and listen to black ambiance to get the mood right.


Why I write:
Thoughts:Feelings
I obsess over feelings.
I obsess over thoughts and the feelings that rise up.
EG: Walking in cool crisp air, and the thought of her comes strolling in my head.
I obsess with the feeling at that exact moment, and how it feels surreal but how it's so perfect. And how this is what safety, enjoyment, love, comfort, etc...
How it is all those feelings crashing your senses at the same time.

Feelings:Proximity
The way things are when it is not thoughts.
The way things are when it is in proximity.
Skin brushes, touches, hand holding and experiencing everything at the very same time.




I treat this blog too much like a private journal. Sometimes it is a good thing, other times, not, but these are my thoughts and I like to write them.

Today was the first feeling of early autumn for me.
I was walking around trying to find a cheaper copy of a book, and the wind picked up. Bags went flying, leaves, and trash rose in a circular motion. The sunlight was hazy, and the sun was blocked.

It's funny how things are, how different each day actually is, or looking even further and deeper; how different just last autumn was.

I remember last year around this time, going to places and seeing Halloween stuff getting set up. Thinking about having someone next to me sharing these stupid moments that everyone takes for granted. The moments that hold so much for me.

Last year, as much as I hated everyone and everything, I think I still wanted to walk on leaves, hold hands, and watch horror movies with someone.

This will be so extremely nice.

Human interaction is very limited.
More so than ever.

With each passing day I become more reclusive.
More of a loner.

I'm not complaining.
This is who I am.