The first thing that comes to mind this night; my brothers birthday.

I would like to wish my baby brother, who is no longer a baby anymore, a happy 18th birthday. I know we get in arguments about certain things, in all honesty I'm working on my misjudgment and misperceived faults. Let time grow in length a little longer and things will start to change for the better. Eventually residing a permanent home back to a state of normality.
Something happened to me today, I can't explain what. Perhaps it was the more than usual bright glow the sun let out, the strong wind that blew the crisp leaves along the cement as if they were walking with me, the red glow the dying Sun projected through the leaves and between and above the trees. The kind of lasting image that when you stare at it and close your eyes the picture is still visible, dark clouds that blackened the night sky, and the conclusion to the day by a thunderstorm that came from nowhere. To me this day has described, in my eyes, the relationship with my brother.
It really made me wake up to see that if I don't make a couple changes in my life I could ruin our relationship forever. You see, the bright glow that lit the day was us growing up together. The wind that started to pick up was problems we faced/disagreements we shared but we still walked together. It was trying to tell me we are brothers and we should support each other in the good times and the bad, and no matter what, always walk with him. The red glow of the dying Sun was the falling out of a brothers love and respect. If I close my eyes, I can still see the image that the sun that once shone so brightly in the day projected. It is trying to tell me if I wanted to I still have the image that once existed to swallow up nonsense and recreate it. Then the clouds blackened the sky. The clouds of a change. The clouds of promise. The clouds of a birth in the distance. With the storm that came, was purification. The chance to cleanse myself.
So with my final words, my conclusion, my gift to you on your actual day of birth, I will cleanse myself. I will set things right. I will make the Sun shine as it was.

YAHHH! AKRON!

10:50pm. Rocking out to Leviathan. \m/ \m/
10:53pm. Conversation with Dave.
10:56pm. Fire alam goes off.
11:08pm. Standing outside is cold.
11:09pm. Met some kid who lives 5 doors down.
11:12pm. My roomate, the new kid I just met and myself are all cold, so we begin to walk.
11:16pm. Walking around continues.
11:37pm. Certain that the fire is done now we walk back to our hall.
11:38pm. Police are outside along with a lot of RA's.
11:39pm. They tell us that the building is under quarenteen and we have to walk to the recreation center.
11:50pm. Arrive at the recreation center. They say that they moved all the kids to the field house.
11:53pm. Arrive at the field house.
11:55pm. Laydown staring at the ceiling in the artifical grass. As kids in cool greek shirts play football with a shoe.
12:50am. Police assemble us into lines corelating with floors. Lucky I'm on the first floor, so I get to leave first.
12:55am. The great adventure back the the dorm is underway with a shit load of police escort (long ass walk).
1:13am. Arrive back at the dorm with no key, no ID, nothing besides a black zip-up and Superman pajamas.
1:16am. Asks a RA to open my door for me. He does and I then I continue to rock out to Leviathan.
1:17am. Dave has been signed off for some time now.


Hails.

The Life and Times of Bryan Kennedy as of Late. (mostly about college)

I'm attending college at the University of Akron. My major is a Associate Degree in Fire Science and a Bachelor Degree in Emergency Management. My career plans are either working for the Federal Emergency Management Association or the Enviromental Protection Agency.
College is alright. It is not what I expected, to say the least. I think I was psyched up way to much for it and it didn't turn out as I expected. But, it is nice to be away off doing my own thing. Having solitude in my life is a blessing and a curse. The colder it gets outside the bigger the void in my heart grows.
I don't do much here, and it seems that I let my parents down. Don't get me wrong. Not with school or anything, because lets face it, you have to be retarded to fail school. More on the lines of I go back to Amherst about every other weekend. When I do, it just seems like my parents look at me differently. A look that is implying me to stay at school. The whole "missing out on your college experience" is drilled in the back of mind like a work of Dahmer after a night at his place.
Though it has only been about an actual month of me being from everything that I have ever grown accustomed to. I think in the end I just need a little more time. Classes are fun. Math is ok for the time being. English writing is fun. All the Fire classes are a blast and a half. My roomates are cool. Mike is a funny guy and he laughes when I make gay jokes and grab his ass. Ben is cool also, though we have very different views in life, religion and beyond, I'm not going to hold that against him, because I have no right to. We all have different views in the end anyways.
I listen to a lot more music here then I ever have in my life. I appriciate it a lot more also. I listen to a lot of stuff when I read, which seems to be the only thing I do now, aside from class. I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, have social anxiety, a recluse and just an overall loner. So, these are my excuses to myself to not doing anything besides reading and listening.

Idk what else to put besides the internet here sucks and it is late and i'm tired.

1 year.

I now have 1 year of sobriety under my belt. This day 365 days ago I claimed straight edge. This is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I truly will take this to the bitter end.

-end mcdoogal

First Experience with a University of Akron Lecture

Space the final frontier. This was the way one of the greatest television series in history began. With four words Roddenberry striked a cult following. Some of you may know what I'm refering to. Some of you may not have the slightest clue. For those who are in the dark, I'm refering to Star Trek (TOS).
As some of you may know I'm a self proclaimed science fiction enthusiest. I love almost all things science fiction. To me, Star Trek is almost the very top of the list. Most people do not know that it only had three seasons, not including the six films after the series. But, in those seasons they had some of the greatest charaters, subject matter and acting (minus of course, that of William Shatner's). What it lacked in budget, when it came to special effects and the set shaking from time to time, it made up in Leonard Nimoy's acting.
I went to my college lecture hall tonight with my roomate, Ben. There we went to see Mr. Nimoy speak. It was a wonderful experience. Whether you enjoyed the orginal Star Trek or not. Mr. Nimoy is a poet, a photographer, a talented actor, a director and a genuine funny man. He talked about his life growing up, his early years in acting and driving a taxi, his hand in Star Trek and his later work in the arts.

If you ever get a chance to see him speak I advise you to. He is an amazing speaker and no matter what you will get something out of it.


(sorry for the mechanical errors and such. I was going to write a lot but decided against it. Not to mention my internet connection here is very poor and bandwith does not exist apparently.)

September 11 2006.

On my way to early morning class.

Walking on my way to class this morning, I see a lot of people standing around at different spots on campus. As I walk past one of them I can see that they are passing out the New Testament and preaching the good word of God. Walking by one of the men he ask's if I wanted one. I stop. In his eyes I may have just been trying to be polite or a fellow follower. (I dressed really nice today with a sweater and a collared shirt under it so I seemed very approachable.) I replied to his question "What's that?" He said "It is The New Testament" I stare at him in the eyes till I can see him getting very uncomfortable. Until he doesn't know what to do but to smile. I then move my messenger bag to a clear position for which to him he can see on it is a very big inverted cross. I reply "No thanks my son. I'm a much stronger person than to need a crutch such as religion to get me through life." He turned to look at his fellow men of God perplexed as if I just split atoms in front of him. He said "very well. Have a good day and God bless!" I smiled and said "likewise my son and Hail the light-bearer for he hast come forth!"

True story.

Solitude.

The single greatest thing in the known universe.

Never before have I been more alone.
Never before have I been more less influenced.
Never before have I been more depressed.
Never before have I been more happy.
Never before have I felt rot.
Never before have I felt life.
Never before have I watched the seasons change with such beauty.
Never before have I watched the seasons change with such sadness.

I sit here alone, in solitude. Without any thing/person/being to influence me.
It saddens me that no one is here to share this happiness of solitude.
I find happiness that no one is here to share this depression.

I'm rotting away. With only myself to witness.
I'm experiencing life. With only myself to witness.

All I have for myself aside from myself is the seasons.
And the seasons change faster than I can catch them.