Are you writing from the heart?

I found a new past time of laying in my bed staring at the wall, not sleeping just staring at the wall for hours at a time. Hours fall from my life like leaves on a very windy autumn day. It is a lot like in Hey Arnold when Olga comes home from college on break, and Helga sabotages her grades. Olga stays in her room with the lights off, listening to classical music, and just crying her eyes out. I'm not saying I have bad grades, or that I cry my eyes out. I actually don't know why I threw that Hey Arnold reference in, it holds no similarity to what I'm going through, beside trying to juxopose my new past time, I guess.

I'm starting to get all my information packets from my professors about end of semester projects. I'm getting pretty nervous. I don't really care about school, it's cake. I do however, have those days when I freak out and don't think I can do things, I end up just making a cup of tea and sit facing East for an hour, then I pick up from where I left off. I just want to be done with it(school) so bad. I want to have a job already. I have always liked working more than I liked attending school. But, the thing is I plan to travel when I get out of college. Whether alone, or with others it is still up in the air. Who knows by then if I find a serious girlfriend who would travel with me, or if I end up killing someone and ending up in prision. I don't even know what will happen tommorrow, let alone 4 years from now. It is a nice thought though, to imagine Asia, India and Africa.

This week has been the shittiest weather in Akron to date. It has rained all week, and I don't have an umbrella, so my coat, the bottom of my jeans, and even my sweatshirt has been soaked. I just walk 15 blocks to and from class in the rain, get soaked, come home, put back on my Superman pajamas and stare at the wall. I'm very excited to come home this weekend, more so than previous weekends. I don't have class on Friday, so I can leave Thursday night after my Building Inspection class. Jason's birthday is saturday, Elliott Smith's death is also saturday. The mourning will be held in the afternoon and the celebration of birth will be in the night. I really hope my friends plan something, cause I don't want another boring weekend watching Chi-Chi, Loki, and Teddy fighting.

I have been thinking a lot about Winter. I remember last year for winter break, being on my night schedule, staying up all night watching movies then driving to the beach to watch the sun rise every morning alone. It was probably one of the greatest things I could never explain to you. Just the lake frozen over, the birds on the ice. The way the sun rose is another thing I could not put into words. It's actually where the idea of the final days of the hermit old man came from. It is a story currently being worked on by myself. It only has the outline of the story and the charaters. A story of the a old man who lost his wife and shortly afterwards he gives into his loneliness and dies. I don't know. I want to do that again.

Time for class.