I sometimes get scared. So scared that my stomach drops on the floor.

I guess I should just live moment by moment. But I'm never able to do that. If I lived moment by moment, I wouldn't be nervous, would never be scared, never sweat in bed, fall right to sleep, my brain would be more relaxed because it wouldn't think nearly as much, and plenty of other positive things.

The future scares me the most out of anything ever. Just for the lone fact of the uncertainty that comes with it. Thats when people say "but, that's what makes it exciting." I don't want an exciting life. I want dinner in the suburbs, sleek furniture, pup's, designs on the wall, and an attic room. Stability. I don't like change. I like things as is. And lately I wouldn't have it any other way than as it is.

Think think think think think. Two decades worth of vacation time that needs to be cashed in.


It is getting to be cold, dark early, dead, and beautiful.